001. [Video/Action for Goldenrod Rocket HQ]

[garbagechild]

[Video]

<sub>[Victims of motion sickness beware, because there's about to be a good two minutes of jerky, dizzying footage of the floor, the ceiling, an upside-down bed, and what appears to be the foot of a small child. The telltale sounds of hands grappling with a PokeGear are what dominate the audio feed, but murmuring in the background are what sound like deep, rumbling growls and a youthful, high-pitched voice-- probably belonging to the owner of that foot.]

[And then all at once the camera stops and gives everybody a great view of a pair of nostrils and, somewhere above them, a slightly more pleasant-to-behold pair of bright blue eyes.]</sub>

--ink... I think it's a toy.

But not the kind you chase.

The other kind.

Um.

A puzzle.

_{[The screen jitters again-- now it's mostly tangled black hair on the screen, and a bony shoulder poking out a shirt that's way too big for it. Behind it is an expanse of leathery-looking flesh probably belonging to whatever's doing all that growling.]}

Ahuh... yeah, it's definitely a puzzle. I can tell 'cause it's got a lot of buttons.

_{[A chorus of deafening beeps sound as the kid promptly sets about trying to solve the puzzle by PRESSING EVERYTHING until the PokeGear is gently removed from his grasp by a set of bulky, blunt-clawed hands. And then, at a proper angle for the first time in this entire broadcast, a Kangaskhan's face appears in front of the screen, rumbling softly in greeting. She knows what a PokeGear is for! ... But then almost immediately a pair of pale little hands pop over the Pokemon's shoulder and try to grab the camera back.]}

No, no, I wanna solve it! I wanna solve the puzzle! Please? Please! Pl-- whoa!

_{[Standing all the way up, the Kangaskhan holds the camera in front of her and starts to plod across the small, undecorated dormlike room they're in, presumably towards the door, and presumably with her pint-sized trainer dangling from the 'puzzle'. Aaaand after some jostling, the feed cuts.]}


[Action for Rockets]

<sub>[In a building full of sneaky people, another sneaky person doesn't really stand out unless they're particularly bad at sneaking.]

[It just so happens that Wrath is not exactly the best at this.]

[Give him trees or bushes and sure, he can creep around like a good little let's-not-run-into-this-thing-in-the-dark. But all these winding hallways are slightly more alien territory, and there's only so many ways you can hide behind a corner without getting spotted. Especially when your GIANT KANGASKHAN STARTER KEEPS ON MARCHING STRAIGHT DOWN THE HALL LIKE SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE IF THEY'RE SPOTTED.]</sub>

Mama!

_{[This flustered hiss comes from behind an open door, where Wrath had ducked upon seeing a couple of much-taller Rocket Grunts go strolling past. Now he's peeking out, expression somewhere between frustrated and oh my god WHAT ARE YOU DOING AAAA]}

Don't do that, they'll see you!

<sub>[HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE. Only that they're humans, and they're wearing uniforms. Uniforms that are drastically different from the ones he's used to seeing, of course, but he's had precisely one (1) significant experience with dudes in uniforms, and it was a really bad one. MIGHT AS WELL NOT TAKE CHANCES.]

[The Kangaskhan, however, has other plans. She's marching towards the Mess Hall and seems a little exasperated that her trainer isn't following her. :I HUMANS.]</sub>

Comments

[rocketralph]

<sub>[For a moment, Ralph feels a shudder of doubt. It wasn't entirely unheard of for people to sneak into the base...but this kid sucked at sneaking. The huff from his pokemon seemed to dismiss that worry.]

[Meanwhile, during all this, Bossy has been watching this conversation take place in something like wonder. She's too happy about getting to STEAL SHIT to be impatient.]</sub>

Trust me, if you weren't on the team, you wouldn't be here. I'm gonna guess they haven't put you through training either.

[garbagechild]

Nuh-uh.

_{[At least he isn't growling anymore. Ralph hasn't done anything overtly threatening yet, and Wrath's curiosity is winning out over his fear, at least for now.]}

What kind of training?

Who's 'they'?

[rocketralph]

<sub>[SIGH.]

[Ralph hasn't actually spoken face to face with a new person in...quite some time.]</sub>

Team Rocket. You're a Rocket. I'm a Rocket. She's a rocket.

_{[He jerked his thumb at Mama]}

We're the bad guys and nobody likes us, but that's the way it is.

[garbagechild]

--But I'm not a Rocket, I'm a H--

_{[Then he pauses. Maybe... he shouldn't talk about that. His team has rules too, after all.]}

... What are Rockets supposed to do?

[rocketralph]

_{[Ralph offers a mile-wide shrug.]}

Whatever they tell us. Usually stealin' stuff and bringing it back to base. If that's not your style, there's usually some brain-numbing task to be done around here, but trust me, kid, don't get put on laundry duty.

_{[Staring at those machines for days on end does things to a man.]}

Mop the floors, wash the dishes, do anything but laundry duty.

[garbagechild]

Stealing?

I can steal.

<sub>[His tasks with the Homunculi had involved more spying and fighting than literal theft, but one of his first acts upon clawing his way onto the soil of the real world had been to yoink a bunch of fish right off the campfire of the Elric brothers.]

[And that's not even getting into how he obtained his mismatched limbs.]</sub>

I'm good at stealing!

[rocketralph]

Yeah, well, they'll find somethin' for you to do. You're a kid, they'll probably think you'll make a good pickpocket.

_{[He says this with a sort of resigned disgust. The wrecker was getting worn around the edges. Him? He was used for intimidation. Most folks hand over their pokemon and ran when a walking wall wearing boots threatens them. Then there was the heavy lifting.]}

How long you been here, anyway?

_{[There's something sort of off about Wrath but Ralph can't quite pinpoint what it is.]}

[garbagechild]

Um... I'm not good at telling time.

_{[Which probably makes it obvious that he's been here less than a day.]}

I woke up in a room. There was a bed in it. And Mama.

[rocketralph]

Hoo boy.

<sub>[Ralph pinches the bridge of his nose again. Why'd he have to be the one to bump into the kid? Now he's gotta take him by the arm and lead him into basic training where he'll get shoved into a uniform and yelled at for a week.]

[Ugh. Rockets. But...bricks and stones, who says they can't do something not horrible first?]</sub>

Hey kid, y'hungry? Mess hall's back this way.

[garbagechild]

_{[IF IT'S ANY COMFORT, RALPH, there's no way Rocket boot camp will be anywhere near as traumatizing as his initiation into the Homunculi.]}

Hungry?

... No, I don't need to eat. I'm--

<sub>[And then he is cut off by his starter, who plucks him right off the ground again and puts him on her shoulders. EXCUSE YOU YOUNG MAN, OF COURSE YOU NEED TO EAT.]

[She nods to Ralph.]

[LEAD THE WAY, SIR.]</sub>

[rocketralph]

<sub>[Thank Nintendo for giant kangaroo dinosaurs. Ralph turns and leads them back into the mess hall. It's dingy and lined with long tables full of surly and scraggly individuals, all in grey or black and rarely white. Equally scruffy Pokemon turn and make eye-contact with Bossy as she trundles after them. She sends them hisses to reassert her position in the lackey pecking order.]

[The buffet isn't impressive to anyone who's ever had to walk down a school lunch line. There are bins of mashed potatoes, limp green beans, mysterious bubbling pots labeled 'gumbo' in marker, among other things in varying shades of grey and brown with flecks of green that could really be anything.]

[And then. Oh, then there's the glass-protected, refrigerated, well-lit case down at the end of the line with plates of Slowpoke tail, fresh vegetables, small pouches of wine, and other delicious things. But those things were reserved only for the highest of the high, the most reliable, the most underhanded, the most cunning...or the richest. Whichever. It's Team Rocket.]

[Ralph glumly grabs himself a plastic tray and holds it out for the hair-net wearing Machoke on the other side to fill with lumpy potatoes. Maybe he'd try the brown stuff today. Live a little.]</sub>

If you hold your nose when you swallow, it's not so bad.

[garbagechild]

<sub>[The selection might not be too impressive, but Wrath's never been down a school lunch-line before. So he stares at the array of glops and reheated canned goods with wide eyes.]

[None of it particularly looks like something he wants to put in his MOUTH, but it's fascinating all the same.]</sub>

What IS all this stuff??

[rocketralph]

Free, that's what it is. When you're done here I'll show you which buttons not to press on the drink machine.

_{[The huge man moves away from the line and lets the kid take his time. It's probably the only chance he'll get to eat today. Meanwhile, Ralph gently (as gently as somebody like him can anyway) thumps the side of the ice machine and holds his glass underneath.]}

C'mon you crummy thing.

_{[Thump thump thump.]}

C'mon.

_{[Thump THUMP--} THUMP<sub>]
[A small avalanche of ice tumbles out of the machine and all over the floor.]

[A well-rehearsed voice hollars from the other side of the mess hall.]</sub>

WRECK-IT. THAT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK.

...Ah, nuts.

[garbagechild]

<sub>[Mama has longer arms than Wrath does, so she grabs a tray and grunts encouragingly at him to indicate that he should point out what he wants on it.]

[After a few minutes of leaning over to get a better look at the options, the tray winds up mostly full of sardines, pulled pork, and a whole lot of cooked carrots. And one Slowpoke tail. He has no idea what ANY of it is gonna taste like, minus the fish-- and even that'll be a surprise, since he's only ever had fresh fish before.]

[Mama plods over to Ralph with the loaded tray in hand just in time to see the ice disaster, and Wrath tilts his head from his perch on her shoulders.]</sub>

... Is that one of the buttons I shouldn't press?

[rocketralph]

_{[Finally a few ice cubes tumble into his glass.Ralph draws in a deeeeeeep breath. Then he lets it out slooooowly.]}

Eyup.

_{[He hits the soda button and once his glass is full he moves out of the way.]}

Welp, there goes that TM. There's always next week.

[garbagechild]

<sub>[Mama lets out a sympathetic rumble. TOUGH BREAK, MAN. Then she bustles forward to delicately pick up a plastic cup in her claws and fill it with water. NO SODA. Too much sugar. Her new trainer doesn't need that on his first day.]

[Wrath just fidgets until she's done, looking all around the cafeteria, clearly intrigued.]</sub>

Are all the people here Team Rocket?

[rocketralph]

_{[Ralph leads the way to one of those long benches. He sits down on it and the whole thing tips upwards ever so slightly. He's used to his tray sliding away from him so he hangs onto it in a practiced motion.]}

Yup. People, Pokemon, everyone. Sort of a...secret club of evildoers or somethi'n like that.

_{[He occupies his mouth with a spoonful of food to try and forget about the ice machine.]}

[garbagechild]

_{[Mama ambles after him, politely taking a seat on the floor and letting Wrath clamber onto the bench on the other side with his tray full of mysterious edible (?) things. He's actually more interested in what Ralph has to say, though.]}

A secret club?

I'm kind of in another secret club already, but... I guess I could be in two.

Two secret clubs.

_{[Wrath, SECRET MEANS SECRET. Stop talking about your other secret club.]}

[rocketralph]

Oh yeah?

_{[He lifts a brick-shaped brow. He's catching onto that pretty quickly.]}

What kinda club is this secret club of yours?

_{[He's not actually interested but he is curious to see if the kid spills the beans.]}

[garbagechild]

_{[Wrath had picked up a carrot coin and was licking it experimentally, but he stops to blink at Ralph.]}

A secret one.

_{[If Ralph expected anything different, he's apparently going to be disappointed.]}

[rocketralph]

_{[Smart kid. Ralph lets out a little satisfied puff of a laugh through his nose and takes a bite of "pizza" in quotation marks.]}

Then you know all about not gettin' caught then. Good t'know.

[garbagechild]

Yeah.

Getting caught is bad.

_{[He punctuates this with a solemn nod, then nibbles on the carrot coin, wrinkles his nose, and puts it back down. 8( Ew.]}

[rocketralph]

_{[Ralph isn't sure he likes how well the kid seems to know the drill. So he decides to focus on something else.]}

You should eat that, it's good for you.

[garbagechild]

But it doesn't taste good, so it can't be.

<sub>[He says this like it's a fact, and to be fair, THAT'S KIND OF ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT FOOD AND EATING. If your body needs it, you'll want to eat it. If you DON'T want to eat it, you shouldn't! Simple.]

[Mama snorts softly and nudges the tray towards him. EAT YOUR VEGETABLES, LITTLE HUMAN.]</sub>

[rocketralph]

<sub>[Arceus help him when he discovers CANDY. Ralph shrugs and digs back into his own plate. He can't help but think about his most recent job and how easy it was.]

[Like a familiar pair of shoes.]

[Or how he thought a familiar pair of shoes might feel like. Considering...]

[Meanwhile, Bossy reappeared at the table, carrying her own little tray. She gave Mama a snotty little stare before digging in with her hands like an animal.]</sub>