garbagechild | 001. [Video/Action for Goldenrod Rocket HQ]

[Video]

_{[Victims of motion sickness beware, because there's about to be a good two minutes of jerky, dizzying footage of the floor, the ceiling, an upside-down bed, and what appears to be the foot of a small child. The telltale sounds of hands grappling with a PokeGear are what dominate the audio feed, but murmuring in the background are what sound like deep, rumbling growls and a youthful, high-pitched voice-- probably belonging to the owner of that foot.]

[And then all at once the camera stops and gives everybody a great view of a pair of nostrils and, somewhere above them, a slightly more pleasant-to-behold pair of bright blue eyes.]}

--ink... I think it's a toy.

But not the kind you chase.

The other kind.

Um.

A puzzle.

_{[The screen jitters again-- now it's mostly tangled black hair on the screen, and a bony shoulder poking out a shirt that's way too big for it. Behind it is an expanse of leathery-looking flesh probably belonging to whatever's doing all that growling.]}

Ahuh... yeah, it's definitely a puzzle. I can tell 'cause it's got a lot of buttons.

_{[A chorus of deafening beeps sound as the kid promptly sets about trying to solve the puzzle by PRESSING EVERYTHING until the PokeGear is gently removed from his grasp by a set of bulky, blunt-clawed hands. And then, at a proper angle for the first time in this entire broadcast, a Kangaskhan's face appears in front of the screen, rumbling softly in greeting. She knows what a PokeGear is for! ... But then almost immediately a pair of pale little hands pop over the Pokemon's shoulder and try to grab the camera back.]}

No, no, I wanna solve it! I wanna solve the puzzle! Please? Please! Pl-- whoa!

_{[Standing all the way up, the Kangaskhan holds the camera in front of her and starts to plod across the small, undecorated dormlike room they're in, presumably towards the door, and presumably with her pint-sized trainer dangling from the 'puzzle'. Aaaand after some jostling, the feed cuts.]}

[Action for Rockets]

_{[In a building full of sneaky people, another sneaky person doesn't really stand out unless they're particularly bad at sneaking.]

[It just so happens that Wrath is not exactly the best at this.]

[Give him trees or bushes and sure, he can creep around like a good little let's-not-run-into-this-thing-in-the-dark. But all these winding hallways are slightly more alien territory, and there's only so many ways you can hide behind a corner without getting spotted. Especially when your GIANT KANGASKHAN STARTER KEEPS ON MARCHING STRAIGHT DOWN THE HALL LIKE SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE IF THEY'RE SPOTTED.]}

Mama!

_{[This flustered hiss comes from behind an open door, where Wrath had ducked upon seeing a couple of much-taller Rocket Grunts go strolling past. Now he's peeking out, expression somewhere between frustrated and oh my god WHAT ARE YOU DOING AAAA]}

Don't do that, they'll see you!

_{[HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE. Only that they're humans, and they're wearing uniforms. Uniforms that are drastically different from the ones he's used to seeing, of course, but he's had precisely one (1) significant experience with dudes in uniforms, and it was a really bad one. MIGHT AS WELL NOT TAKE CHANCES.]

[The Kangaskhan, however, has other plans. She's marching towards the Mess Hall and seems a little exasperated that her trainer isn't following her. :I HUMANS.]}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, I said 'matches'. It's gotta be from that person.

_{[THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE. Wrath needs to have the arm of Edward Elric. Other arms just won't do.]}

If you bring me HIS arm, then we can talk.

Ccccannnnn Iiiiii... find you two new arms?

Ugh, no!

I don't need two arms!

I need one. His other one!

And his leg, too.

_{[Wrath straightens up, squaring his feet and folding his arms.]}

If you can get me the arm and leg of Edward Elric, you can have my arm and my leg. I'll take 'em right off and you can do whatever you want with them!

It's a deal! Tell me who and where this Edward Elric guy is and I'll have his severed body parts lickety-split!

[HENRY...]

In the meantime, you're new here, right? Haven't seen you around.

_{[NOW we're talkin'! Wrath's initial disgruntlement has more or less been shed in favor of excitement. He'd much rather take the rest of Edward's body himself, but you know, in a pinch, he sure wouldn't object to being straight-up HANDED the pieces on a silver platter. Heck, who would?]}

He's short and his hair is yellow and he wears a BIG red coat and one've his arms'n'legs are made of metal!

_{[And then, with a wicked grin that's a little too wide for his face, he gestures to the discolored limbs of his own.]}

The ones where these used to be!

_{[Jesus, Wrath, you little ghoul.]}

... But yeah, I just got here. I just woke up in a room with a bed and also Mama in it.

_{[He gestures to the Kangaskhan behind him, in case it wasn't immediately obvious who 'Mama' is.]}

[Henry's hype just gets bigger and bigger, the more Wrath talks -- whoever this weird kid is, he has a lot of similar interests, which is very rare for Henry indeed. ...His excitement drops a little when the boy mentions his Kangaskhan's name, though.]

...Eh? You named her Mama?

_{[Wrath tilts his head, scrunching his nose.]}

... Well, yeah.

'Cuz she is one.

I would've called her Mommy but someone else already has that name, so it had to be something different.

Hmm, okay, I guess.

[He shrugs.]

I dunno. Maybe she'd want to have her own name.

_{[At that, Wrath looks sort of befuddled.]}

What do you mean?

Names are something other people give you.

That's how names work.

That's how I got mine.

Well, yeah, but like... [Henry takes a moment to think about this.] You're supposed to give someone a name that's only theirs. It's like part of their identity. So by calling her 'Mama', you're basically saying that she doesn't have her own identity -- the only thing important about her is her relationship to her kid.

And that probably doesn't feel very good, for her.

_{[Wrath frowns. Humans just don't make ANY sense.]}

But kids are supposed to call their mothers that!

If it was bad, why would anybody do it?

It's only bad if the mom doesn't have another name. It's... think of it like a nickname. Most people call the mom by her real name, but the kid calls her 'mom'.

...Anyway, the point is, you should probably ask her how she feels about it! Because I might be making all this fuss for nothing, I'unno.

_{[This is all so confusing. Why are humans so complicated?]

[Declining to reply, he looks over his shoulder at the Kangaskhan. She's been so nice! He doesn't want to make her unhappy.]

[Fortunately, she doesn't look too bothered-- letting out a reassuring rumble, she plops her enormous hand down on Wrath's head. ... Thereby covering most of it.]

[She gives Henry a nod of acknowledgment, though-- his concern for her feelings is touching! TEAM ROCKET SURE HAS PICKED UP A DELIGHTFUL CROP OF THOUGHTFUL YOUNG PEOPLE THIS YEAR!]}

001. [Video/Action for Goldenrod Rocket HQ]

me either THIS IS A TRAINWRECK IT'S GREAT

oH MY GOD HENRY NO

it's a good thing edward isn't actually in route or this could get so bad so quickly

run, edward-muns. Run.

FUN FACT we might be getting one at some point soon and this will make A GREAT WELCOME

... the worst thing is he will actually try to do it. he will actually try to rip them off.

WHAT A HORRIBLE CHILD i love it

they're both awful

they are both garbage children

the absolute garbagiest

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